depressed

yesterday was the day that God cried...

He cried because of the disappointment in me... why didn't i read through the notes again?

yesterday was the day that i had 2 papers in a row for the second time in NTU.

it was a screwed up morning because i couldnt do the paper earlier on in the morning. not that i didn't study for it, i did... and in fact, the hardworking zee is back... this zee that has been lost since her JC times.. (hurray!) i studied but i don't know why i cannot do the paper... maybe i didnt practise enough... now, all that i can remember is when i came out of the exam hall, i felt numb and looked numb. didnt cry, because i could not.

it was a screwed up afternoon because the paper in the afternoon was FREAKING easy... then why screwed up? because i didn't study for it. i spent all the time that i had on the module that was to be tested in the morning... when i saw the first question, i knew that God had really intended for me to pass... but i just didnt put in that little ounce of effort. my fault. if this was the paper last sem, i would have cleared it, confirmed plus guaranteed chop. i really wanted to cry in the exam hall.. because this has got to be the easiest paper i have ever seen in NTU. i felt very very very very dooi... serious, can u imagine a year 3 student still taking a year 1 module? with the freshies that would be coming in next sem? and those freshies would include guys my age!! ah! a terribly sick joke.. God ar God.. why like that? it feels like someone played a fool on me. as im typing this, im really very angry... and feeling very scared... really, last sem this time i didnt feel like that although i knew i was going to fail. but now, im terribly scared. what is going to happen? now, the mere thot of chem really makes my stomach sick, like there are alot of butterflies flying in it.

nothing is impossible with God, but God can i pass?


Friday, April 22, 2005.6:28 PM