what exactly do i want to blog about today?
i don really know what.. but i know i will..
God spoke to me at G12 tonight.
He surfaced the times i was preparing for my A levels.
it has been.. how long? erm... 4 years. it was in 2002.
what happened to me then?
i can never figure out what happened, and i still cannot figure out why God planned for things to happen that way..
mom was sharing that during her times, if God didnt intervene can cause not to enter biochem, she wouldn't be a teacher today. she would have been a biochemist.
it is miraculous how God shapes our paths and in the end, we come to realise that all things happen for a good cause, and the plans that He has will not harm us but are there to prosper us. but somehow when you are caught in the toss of everything, you tend to forget that God is there. and He is watching your each and every step. and we get caught up in just chasing and running around to fulfill all the commitments in our lives.
when the very thing that should be done is just to please
Jesus our Lord.
so i started wondering, whr would i end up working? i know that it would only be then or maybe never then i would know why God gave me B-C-D for my A's.
the grades broke my heart.
in my mind.. i just keep thinking.. im ziyun. i used to do well for my studies.. though not topping the class.. what went wrong?
the truth is my occupation during my JC times was.. to play. period.
i didnt say no to play.. i seized any opportunity i had to skip school and go out.
i did study. i did mug. but it was just not enough.
when i got my results then, i was broken. i rmb gg to fifi's to meet the family.. everyone just got their grades.. i wasnt affected by them, but i rmb i started to drink more and more and before i knew it, i was crying. i was wailing.
what happened to ziyun?
***
yes i went to uni.
and i thot i have alrdy put all those behind me.
but i guess im wrong.
the thot of it.. it still brings tears to my eyes.
how can i say, meaning it from the bottom of my heart, that i thank God for what happened then?
how?
but i know i will be able to do it one day. that's y God showed me all these during worship.
tng bought me a book recently.. it is titled..
"Be Patient, God Isn't Finished With Me Yet"and the back of the book says this...
"...It's about making room in your life for change by forgetting past mistakes and stumbles..."past mistakes and stumbles..
God, how come i just cannot let go of those? why am i so hard on myself?
i want to put everything down at the foot of the cross. and really believe that you caused all these to happen for a good reason.
of course you did, but i just cannot convince myself on that.
i am WIP. . . .
work in progress.
Saturday, September 16, 2006.2:09 AM
